Joke Of The Day

[turbo.vixen]

There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for

the first time.

The first lady said, “I don’t know bout y’al but I’m gunna wear me sum

hot pink panties beefo I gets ondat plane.”

“Why you gonna wear dem fo?”, the other two asked.

The first replied, “Cause, if dat plane goes down and I’m out dare

laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonnafind me first.”

The second lady said, “Well, I’m a-gonna wear me some floe esant orange

panties.”

“Why you gonna wear dem?” the others asked.

The second lady answered, “Cause if dis hare plane is goin’ down and I

be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.”

The third old lady says, “Well, I’m not gonna wear any panties” . . ..

“What? No panties?” the others asked in disbelief.

The third lady says, “Dat’s right girlfriends, you hears me right. I

ain’t wearin’ any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, the

fust thang dey always look fo is a black box!”

[Mike XR6T]

lmao nice 1 mate

[XR6TWolf]

Two particularly attractive English girls are driving a 4wd through Africa on an unguided wildlife tour when it breaks down.

Not knowing what to do they start walking.

After about an hour one says to the other "I cant handle this heat, I'm going to take my shirt off" and shortly the two lasses are walking along clad in shorts and bras.

A little further along the track and the other says "I am sweating so much my shorts are chafing, I'm going to ditch them and act like I'm just wearing a bikini" and a moment later they are both modelling their lingerie for the wildlife.

By noon it is 45 degrees, the bras have been ditched and all that remains of the clothing is a small pair of lacy panties each. They discuss removing them but decide to soldier on for just a little more, concerned that being found naked would be too embarassing.

A minute or so later they crest a hill and there on the side of the road is an African woman, stark naked eating a bowl of food. They stagger up to her and ask "is it any cooler with your panties off"?

The woman looks around and replies "aww sh*t I dunno but it keeps the flies outta my food"

[FPV6T]

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven. He knocks on the gates and St. Peter opens them.

"Yes?" asks St. Peter.

"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani.

St Peter turns around and shouts, "Hey Jesus, your taxi's here."

[Buf-Phoon]

probably should delete this, that said could have been any race or creed.

[Turboboy]

Subject: Not all seniors are senile

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening

with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque.

I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

[Kimberley Scott]

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can;tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her

clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was

so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

__________________

[Turboboy]

..."The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was

so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?' ".......

I can relate to this!

[turbo.vixen]

^^^

[turbo.vixen]

A young fellow ran into an old man who was caring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pussy." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wiped his mouth and shouted, "That tasted like sh*t".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."