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Joke Of The Day


XRSICKT

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Ok Ok - No Jokes but I find these really funny.....

A pansy who lived in Khartoum

Took a lesb1@n up to his room,

And they argued all night

Over who had the right

To do what, and with which, and to whom.

_______________________________________

There once was a man from Peru,

who fell asleep in a canoe,

while dreaming of venus,

he played with his p@n1s,

and woke up with a hand full of goo.

Ok that's enough me thinks, and NO I did not write these....

But if you want more

http://home.earthlink.net/~kristenaa/naughty/

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  • Big Gun
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Heres some automotive acronyms. Yes theres Ford ones too. Enjoy

AUDI

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

All Un-informed Drivers Insulted

All Unnecessary Devices Installed

BMW

Big Money Waste

Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

Bavarian Manure Wagon

Big Money Works

Bought My Wife

Brutal Money Waster

b**ch Magnet on Wheels

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

Chews Heads, Eats Valves, Runs Only Low ET's

Can Handle Everything, Runs Over Limbs, Even Trees

DODGE

Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

Dead On Day Guarantee Expires

FIAT

Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

Fix It All the Time

Fix It Again, Tony!

Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Road, Dead

Fault Of R&D

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

F**ker Only Runs Downhill

F***ed Over Rebuilt Dodge

First On Rust and Deterioration

First On Recall Day

First On Race Day

Fails On Race Day

Fails On Rainy Days

backwards -- Driver Returns On Foot

Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

GM

General Maintenance

Generally Mediocre

Gypped Me

GMC

Garage Man's Companion

Gotta Mechanic Coming?

God's Mechanical Curse

GrandMother's C**t

GTO

Get'cher Tools Out

HONDA

Had One Never Did Again

Happy Owners Never Drive Anything Else

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

JEEP

Just Empty Every Pocket

Just Everyone Else's Parts

MAZDA

Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MOPAR

My Old Pig Ain't Running

Most Original Parts Already Replaced

OLDSMOBILE

Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO

Put In Nickel To Operate

PLYMOUTH

Please Let Your Mother Out (from) Under The Hood

PONTIAC

Poor Ole Nut Thinks It's A Cadillac

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back

Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

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'Quoted' Not actually me. :thumbsup:

I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist. Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45a.m. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have

any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown,wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure it was at least presentable.I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket,donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an

extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

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  • Flower Power
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'Quoted' Not actually me. :thumbsup:

Yeah yeah, common mate, might as well come out of the closet sooner or later :D

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  • Member For: 21y 2m 1d
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Three couples, one elderly, one middle aged and one newlywed, present to the local priest, asking to join his congregation!

The priest replies "that should be OK, but as we have had a lot of applications recently, we have decided to put new applicants through a small test! "What sort of test" ask the couples, "well I want you all to abstain from sex for two weeks, and then come back and tell me how you went" replies the priest.

Two weeks pass, and the first couple to come to the priest, is the elderly couple, "how did you go" asks the priest, "no problem" replies the guy, two weeks was easy!

"Welcome to the congregation" replies the priest.

Next is the middle aged couple, "how did you go" asks the priest. "Well replies the guy, the first week was easy, but the second week, I had to sleep on the couch just to make sure, but we got through the two weeks OK" "Welcome to the congregation" replies the priest

Last it is the newlywed couple, and again the priest ask "how did you go" the young man looks down slightly embarassed, "well the first week was quite easy, but then on the 11th day, my wife dropped a can of peas on the floor, and as she stood there in front of me, bent over and everything, lust just got the better of me, and I had to have her there and then", "well I am sorry to hear that son, I am afraid you will not be welcome in our congregation!" "No" replies the young man, "Coles are not too keen to see us again either!!" :)

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THREE BLONDES - A bloke goes into dimly lit bar and after a couple of drinks decides to start a conversation with the female seated beside him at the bar. He asks her would she like to hear a blonde joke. The woman jumps off her stool and towers over the guy saying " Listen here buddy, Im blonde, I'm 6'2" tall, weigh 210 lbs and am a professional wrestler. My two girlfriends are also blonde and are even taller and heavier than me and one is the world champion kick boxer, so do you really want to tell a blonde joke right now?"

"Naw", the guy replies, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times"

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  • I'm Back!! Thats right, long over due! :)
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What about this image.

Careful, it may offend some viewers. There I said it. You have been warned.

Moderators, be kind. I couldn`t help myself.

hehe....It is Ford related.....Kind of.

post-4-1054730662.jpg

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