It might take a while.......

that's funny- even mother nature has a sense of humor!

The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes."

The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."

The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!

How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"...

The Indian: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

Why a man should never take a phone message for a woman....

http://www.reuters.c...E6622I420100703

Quotes:

"It wasn't bad, but I was a little fatigued toward the end. I tried to stay relaxed and bring it home, but it wasn't enough."

and

"I was a little sloppy out of the blocks, but I was able to hold on," he added. "Tyson gave me great competition."

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy

class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a

white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is

necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human

body.

" For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger

in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his

mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The student's freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually

took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told

them,'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my

middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention.".

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, S@tan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that G0d's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So S@tan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' S@tan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked S@tan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted S@tan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked S@tan.

' Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a

sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF . FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without

second thought....

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives

past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the driveway.

On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to

the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in

a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in

possibly doing business.....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding

passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door

and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does in and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers

the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go

through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through

the door pulling it shut behind him

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing

another sign:

GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

BY THE SISTERS OF . FRANCIS.

YOU SINNER!!

Edited October 20, 201015 yr by Corzza