Blown BA

We are dickheads Dave that's why we go back and spend more money for more crap

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, sh*t!" Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were - "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd. "We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can. "I can do that!" Ed said confidently. "No you can't," said Ted. "I sure as hell can!" said Ed. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted. "Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked. "Remember three months ago," Ed said... "When my wife had whooping cough...?"

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled. "That sounds wonderful," said Jed. "Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us." "Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."

It is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo. billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can I stick my finger in your belly-button? billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :> ...now its 11:00 at the police station... billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can I stick my finger in your belly-button? billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :> ...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!! billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can I stick my finger in your belly-button? billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :> wait?! billy-bob that's not my belly-button. billy-bob: I know...:> and that's not my finger!! :>

LOL what happened Jeff did some T blow you away with the stripes he had on

Very nice rims l have the same and they look horn

That's great Dave you don't have to spend big dollars to get graditude from these places..............(Only Dave knows what l mean)

Put me down Wobbie

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy. 6. The person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else. 5. If you get a stomachache, it won't last 9 months. 4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky. 3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. You have less guilt the next morning, and ...... 1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Shut up. You know it's funny.

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the local race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade." "No, ma'am," he replied. ... "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race."

Happy Birthday Jeff

Someone on this forum had them on a red XR, can't recall who now. Not a bad looking wheel but would be a biatch to keep clean. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> BA Turbs lives round the corner from me

Daves on holidays for a while.

How to pass an immigration test in the United States Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of America. Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at a Verizon help desk.

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes 1 reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal 1/2-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

An Arkansas Redneck is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck under my truck. He's still wriggling around. What should I do?'' The boss radioed back: "Use the shotgun in the back of your truck. Shoot the pig in the head, and when it stops wriggling, pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did jest what you said; I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "Well the blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing..."

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Happy Birthday phantomxr6turbo, dattoman, GOLDIE, Tarfoid, awesomeaussie2

not with aftermarket pipework.........thanks for you input........ <{POST_SNAPBACK}> If you check out Geeas BOV it's a stock one and he's running over 385rwkw but if you want that pssssss then visit the toilet

How to bathe a cat (the flush and fluff method): 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 3 men, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her. "The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then." So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man, "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home." Now they're down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door to the same room and hand him the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The third man took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA man heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the b**ch to death with the chair!"

One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing... "I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!" "I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won't call you 'the house builder' if you do that. No, no they don't!" "I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either. They sure won't!" "But if you f**k one goat..."

Happy Birthday to TonyGogo