Joke Of The Day

[ZAP]

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled

up beside him and its window was wound down. "I'll give you a bag of

lollies if you get in the car," said the driver.

"No way, get stuffed!!" replied the boy.?

"How about a bag of lollies and $10?" the driver asked.

"I said no way!" replied the irritated youngster.?

"What about a bag of juicy lollies and $50, eh?" quizzed the driver,

still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.?

"No! I'm not getting in the frickin' car!" answered the boy.

"Okay, okay. I know what you want. I'll give you $100 and a bag of lollies,"the driver offered.

"No!" screamed the boy.

"What will it take to get you into the car?" asked the driver

in a long

sigh.

The boy replied: "Listen Dad, you bought the bloody Volvo, you

live with

it!"?

[Falchoon]

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila.

[Falchoon]

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

[Blown BA]

Jack had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the catfish."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that when you came by, I should tell you to take catfish. She prefers that for supper tonight."

[Blown BA]

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?".

-- That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a tender. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?".

-- That's Advertising.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow mop up her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"

-- That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?".

-- That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. You put on your best smile and walk around being Mr. Congenial. You fresh all the Thesaurus links in your memory and play Mr. Polished. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?".

-- That's Hard Selling.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?"

-- Now THAT is the power of Branding!

[Blown BA]

Boss, Can I take the day off?

Let's take a look at what you are asking for....

There are 365 days per year available for work.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be Damned if you're going to take that day off!!!

[Dagabond]

Chldren's books you'll never see

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kod's Guide to Hitchhiking"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Dad's New Wife Timothy"

"POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"

"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich kods Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"

"How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"

"What is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Bi-Curious George"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

[siccar]

Chldren's books you'll never see

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

:lol:

I love that

[Blown BA]

READ THE STORY FIRST

So there you are, having a dinner party.....

Your parents are there,

Your in-laws are there,

your boss and his wife are there,

The minister and his wife are there,

You're all settling down for a nice relaxing evening

dinner,

Then in walks the dog.......

[Blown BA]

A husband and wife go off to bed. As soon as they settle down, the man leans over and whispers softly "hey snuggle boopy boops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for nite-nite yet."

The wife takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."

So off she goes, but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up concerned. "Oh my little hunny bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for two hours.

Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts, "Clumsy b**ch."