Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, sh*t!"

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were -

"Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

[KEN 24T]

You should always give 100% at work...

14% Monday; 27% Tuesday; 34% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday.

[phantomchic]

The magic genie

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the map again."

[phantomchic]

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer. At the appropriate

point in the process, the computer advised him he would now need to

enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood & figured he would try for the

shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it

plainly

obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud

as

he typed....

P...

E...

N....

I...

S.

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

[aniken]

A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says to the koala, "Hey! what are you doing?"

The koala says "Smoking a joint man, come up and have a toke."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry'

and is going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

The koala looks down and says, "Faaaaarrrrk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

[veczar]

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

So, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."

She became a brunette.

The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"

So, she became a man.

[veczar]

Oh ops sorry ladies what I really meant to say was:

Three blonde men were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

So, he became a redhead.

The second blonde man said, "I wish I were smarter than he is."

He became a brunette.

The third blond dude ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"

So, he became a woman.

[flappist]

Q: What do you call a XR6T with a GT body kit, stripes and a bonnet bulge?

A: A sleeper.....

[jEtONiT]

^^ got to be the funniest joke in this thread, no questions asked

[NT TURBO]

Q: What do you call a XR6T with a GT body kit, stripes and a bonnet bulge?

A: A sleeper.....    

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