Joke Of The Day

[Kimberley Scott]

What bird represent power and masculinity?

An Eagle

What bird represents wisdom and knowledge?

An owl.

What bird represents peace and love?

A dove.

What bird represents true love?

see down further try and guess first.

A swallow.

[Lumpen]

An elderly couple, she was 85, he was 90, decided that they would take advantage of modern science to conceive another child. They discussed it with a fertility expert who said it was indeed possible.

The doctor gave the couple a jar and asked them to return a semen sample the next day.

The next day, the couple presented the doctor with an empty jar.

The husband apologized, "I tried my right hand...I tried my left hand... My wife tried her right hand...My wife tried her left hand. She took her teeth out and used her mouth. We still couldn't get the lid off the jar."

Oh, so THIS is where you are trying to steal posts

Lumpy

[aniken]

An elderly couple, she was 85, he was 90, decided that they would take advantage of modern science to conceive another child. They discussed it with a fertility expert who said it was indeed possible.

The doctor gave the couple a jar and asked them to return a semen sample the next day.

The next day, the couple presented the doctor with an empty jar.

The husband apologized, "I tried my right hand...I tried my left hand... My wife tried her right hand...My wife tried her left hand. She took her teeth out and used her mouth. We still couldn't get the lid off the jar."

Oh, so THIS is where you are trying to steal posts

Lumpy

Steal? Steal? S T E A L?? Oh no, I am merely spreading joy and good cheer amongst my fellow forumites. You on the other hand...

[XR6TT]

ahahah gold.!

[Lumpen]

Oh, so THIS is where you are trying to steal posts

Lumpy

Steal? Steal? S T E A L?? Oh no, I am merely spreading joy and good cheer amongst my fellow forumites. You on the other hand...

Alpha and Omega.

Alpha and Omega b**ch.

Lumpy

[Blown BA]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push.

"Not a chance" says the husband - "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just a drunken stranger asking for a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"NO, I didn't-it's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you've got a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark: "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here, on the swing" the drunk replies.

[Blown BA]

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline.

"Don't mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this."

He tells the dog, "Rover, search!"

The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!" He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."

"Fantastic!" replies the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm.

The handler says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number."

"Wow!" says the first man.

Once again, the handler sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back, jumps up onto the seat, and craps all over the place!!!!! The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks, "What the heck was THAT for???!!"

The handler replies, "Looks like he found a bomb."

[Blown BA]

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took many pictures of the Dwarves and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch, she took the film to be developed. After a week or so, she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Snow White was so disappointed that she started to cry.

The clerk, trying to console her, said kindly, "Don't worry, someday your prints will come."

[muzza420]

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, "This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possible be cured." Finally, the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells him, "Sure, I can cure this," and throws some powder on a flame. There is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '1-2-3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?" The witch doctor says, "All you have to do is say, '1-2-3-4' and it will go down. But, be warned - It will not work again for another year."

The guy goes home, and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says, "1-2-3," and suddenly he gets an erection. His wife turns over and says, "What did you say '1-2-3' for?"

[muzza420]

A kid returns from school and asks his father, that his got a homework

from school and that he needs to find out the meanings for Hypothetically and Realistically.

So the father asks his son to go and ask his mum if she would sleep with another man for a million bucks, the son comes back and says.. yes mum said.

Now the father says son go ask your sister if she would sleep with another man for a million bucks so sure the son comes back and says yes.

So the father goes look son Hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million bucks, but Realistically we are living with two whores.